September

September 2016 209 lbs.  75 inches lost and 67 lbs. lost

Its interesting how the brain of a person with an eating disorder works.  This week I have been really battling with body image.  Even though I can see the numbers going down, I can not see a difference in my self.  I don't see my self honestly.  I see a fat person in the mirror.  With every effort to be honest and real, I hope you don't mind me sharing my truth.  Over the last several months I have lost 67 lbs. and 75 inches,  But, looking at images of my self I can not see a difference.  I've been pretty upset with my self this week for what I can not see.  After talking with my sponsor, my husband and listening to some pretty amazing and uplifting speakers this weekend, I have a few bits of knowledge to share.

July 2016 around 250 lbs.

Post Marothon, 209 lbs. May 2010

1st time fitting back in to my Senior prom dress. April 2010 around 215 lbs.

1) When you can't trust your brain, trust your program.  My addict brain would tell me all sorts of lies, Im not enough, I am fat, I am worthless, Why try, Chocolate is better than this, etc.  My program and ultimately my God tells me that I am his child, I am created in his image, I am enough because he is enough, Get out of bed,  Eat food that is good for you, Read scriptures, pray, study, smile, be engaged with family, be grateful.  I can trust that even when my brain is telling me otherwise.

2) Be Grateful.  Count your blessings.  Name them.  What are you truely grateful for?  What has God blessed you with?  What brings you joy?  Make a list, write it in your journal, live for your gratitude.
3)Addicts struggle with isolation.  When your stuck in your brain, reach out!  Ask for help, talk through your feelings.  Don't Isolate!

4)God is patient.  He loves you.  He waits for you and loves you through it.  He will never turn his back on you.  Be patient with yourself.  Follow the example of the one who loves you perfectly.
Please don't misunderstand me here.  I do not believe that God would not be patient with my being over weight or having an eating disorder.  I don't think he really cares how much I weigh.  What I do think is that when I personally struggle with my eating disorder, God patiently waits for me to come to him.  Because, I am putting food thoughts or self hate thoughts above all else.  He quietly waits for me to come to him.  To look beyond my self, to reach out and ask him for help.  Each time I do that, he is always there with out streched arms waiting to recieve me.  God is patient.