I and we are the only differences in Ill and Well

   A study I recently read about addiction talks about isolation and its relation to addiction.  One of the things I love about my program is that it removes me from Isolation.  I am no longer an I, rather a fellow in a fellowship full of we's!  and together we are becoming addicts in recovery.  What a fantastic feeling.  

   Every morning I wake up and do some quiet meditation.  I read out of a meditation book, pray, and then study my scriptures.  I do this for about 20 minutes every day, at around 5:10 am.  At 5:30 I call my sponsor.  My sponsor is a sweet little lady from Massachusettes.  She volunteers about 20 minutes of her day to me, for free!  She has been doing this program as an addict for 16 years.  She is a wealth of knowledge, advice, and wisdom.  This is step one of removing I from my addiction, and moving in to recovery.  I call her, she never calls me.  I reach out, and she is always waiting to help.  

   After my phone call to my sponsor, I take some time to eat my breakfast, around 6 AM.  After breakfast I call several people from my list of fellow addicts.  My goal is to speak with 3 people.  I usually dial from 10 to 15 numbers, before 3 pick up.  I leave lots of message, and when people answer we talk about our struggles with our addictions, what we are learning, and what is going well for us.  

   By this time I have had almost 2 hours of time where I reach out of myself to serve and be served.  This is such a major part of my recovery.  As I pray, meditate, and call, I feel strength in my recovery.  Twice a week I go to AA meetings.  At the meetings, I make it a goal to speak with people.  I also engage in listening to the people who speak.  I have learned so much about my own recovery within those walls.  

  Addiction is addiction, it doesn't matter your drug of choice, when you are addicted, the attitudes, mentality, and attributes all look about the same.  I learn so much from the alcholics and drug addicts in that little church.  This is another way to move from I to we.  

  On Saturday mornings I get up a little extra early, 4:30 AM.  I meet on a phone conference call to go over the principles of the 12 step program.  There are about 40 people on our conference call, each of us in unique experiences, in unique locations, all with a common disease, and a common recovery.  It is lovely to hear how each person uses tools to benefit their own recovery.  

   What a blessing for me, I finally feel well.  I have aloud God and people in to my life, my addiction, and my story, and shockingly people don't hate me, the shame is gone, and I am on the road to wellness.  

On a side note, Goals, like new years resolutions, used to be hard for me.  I might say something like, "I am going to wake up every morning at 5 am to study my scriptures".  It would happen every day for two or three days and then it would fizzle out.  I didn't know what was wrong with me, my intentions were good, but my follow through was lacking.  How could I improve if I couldn't follow through? 

Well, interestingly enough, after addressing my addiction I have had so many of my "good intentions" become good daily practices.. I get up, shower, get dressed, brush teeth, read scriptures, pray, exercise, eat healthy, clean my home, and go to bed on time.  Im not 100%, but I will tell you that it is so much easier to do these things that create wellness with my addiction in recovery!