Journey of a food addict

This is me the first day of this program. May 20,2016

I found a program 2 months ago that has really worked for me.  During my adult life my weight has bounced between 280 lbs and 210 pounds on more than one occasion.  Weight is constantly on my mind.  At some point along the way, I realized that I was a food addict.  But, how do you give up something that keeps you alive?  So, I would continue down the path of eating whatever I wanted to, whenever I wanted to.  After over eating I would feel intense shame and embarassment.  Even, often eating myself in to a sugar coma, where I would nearly pass out, and have to nap to get over it.  I would look at other people and recognize that they could stop when they felt full.  I never stopped till I cleaned my plate, and then I continued to eat if I was feeling emotional.  It was easy for me to eat through 10 lbs of chocolate or a box of donuts in a day.

I've been like this since I was a child.  My mom always caught me sneaking sweets.  Sweetened condensed milk or store bought frosting were my favorites. The term "too rich" never applied to me. But, I have memories of over eating healthy food as well.  One time I remember eating cucumbers and ranch until I was so full that I threw up.  I was always concerned about my size.  I would have my sisters sit on my feet and count my situps every night before bed, from about 2nd grade on.  I would do 100.  I started running to help me with my weight in Junior High, and that continued on through 2012. I remember learning about Bulimia and Anorexia in Health class.  I remember looking at the pictures of the ultra thin girls in my text book and thinking what a good idea it was to try and see if those eating disorders would work for me as a method to weight loss.  Later in my life my aunt told me that her mother in law used laxatives to control weight loss, she was disgusted by it.  Again, I felt like maybe that would help me loose weight.  I've hated and envied thin women all my life.  I literally have obsessed over women and their size.  

I would marvel at my husbands ability to have a drawer full of chocolate and eat one every couple of days or so.  

So, back to Im a food addict.  I found a program that works for me.  I use a sponsor.  I tell her what I am going to eat every day.  I weigh my food.  The program is a 12 step program.  Every time my addiction raises its ugly head and I feel tempted to eat addictively, I make a phone call.  I call someone else in the program.  It always takes my cravings away, and I am able to stick with my food plan.  I also attend AA meetings to learn more about my addiction and I reach out to those in my community who understand addiction. More often than not, I turn to prayer when I am feeling weak.  I am so grateful that this program has found me.  It is changing my life. I can't forsee the future and I try to take life one day at a time, but for now, I feel like this is a lifestyle change, and I hope I stick with it for the rest of my life. My sister in law led me to the program, and I will be forever grateful to her.

Before I always adicitively ate to self medicate feelings of stress, anger, or sadness mostly.  I over ate the rest of the time, but usually the adictive eating saw me through the worst of my feelings.  Now, I have been through travel, a funeral, a baby shower, family conflict and resolution, girls camp, and sickness, all while relying on Heavenly Father instead of food.  

This was me July 4, 2016,  256 lbs.  I'd lost 20 lbs, 1.5 months into the program and down 23 inches.

  My goal for my weight is to get down to 150 lbs.  This is a weight that has not been touched since before 6th grade.  I believe I weighed 160 lbs in 6th grade, but I was only about 5'6".  Now, I am 5'10".  I am looking forward to being in a right sized body.  My weight is melting off, and I am feeling good.  I don't eat any flour or sugar, and I always weigh my food to get exact quantities.  In the begining this felt like an impossible task, now it seems easy and doable.  It also gets my mind off of food obsession.  Any way,   more to come, but I am excited at this direction that my life has taken.  

Me today 7/27/16 down another 21.25 inches for a total of 44.25, and 16 lbs down for a total of 36 pounds lost.